He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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