he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
