I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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