I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
