Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
