no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
