Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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