Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
