now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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