1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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