i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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