So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
