so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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