I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize