Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My breath smells like gin and sadness
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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