I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
