i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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