PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
