i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
