She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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