He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
