I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
