If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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