i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
