I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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