Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
