If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
