Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like eating out sand paper
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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