For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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