I met the friendliest cop last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
