I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
