there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
