Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
