You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
