in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just forgot I was standing up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
