the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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