Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
