Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
whose parrot is this?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
