everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
