I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
