there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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