I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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