Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
