I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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