I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
