Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
