ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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