As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
