So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
