you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
