can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
