I puked a lego.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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