I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
