We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
